The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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