Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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