you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
