who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
