In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize