My sheets look like a crime scene.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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