then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
