I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He did a backflip because drugs
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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