i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
