I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
