I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize