Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
