you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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