My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
