I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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