You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
