I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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