ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
