my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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