woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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