i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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