sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
