is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
third nipple confirmed
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
