so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
