I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
