Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
