she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
