My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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