I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you will always have a special place in my vag
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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