What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
