She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I stole a fireplace last night.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
