I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
