When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
