I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
