We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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