I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
