you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
