i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There's always time for handjobs
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
