I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
