and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
