U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
