Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
