Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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