So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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