Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
