every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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