Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
