the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
