why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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