Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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