worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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