I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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