I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
