You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
