true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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