Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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