yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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