she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
