the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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