I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize