well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
