just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
