So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
