Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
