When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
