Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
