i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
