I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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