if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
