so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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