I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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