the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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