Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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