And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
