I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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